Back on track

Yesterday I had a little bit of a break down and I decided to quit my topic and do something else.  I just felt I could not do quality work before my trip and I was afraid I was not going to get the interviews I needed.  I wrote an email to my supervisor and began looking for another topic in Film tourism.  While I was doing that he responded and said that he thought my topic was really good and he would be disappointed if I changed it.  He said that there are always certain risks and sometimes it is worth taking them.  At that point I just did not know what to do anymore.  The deadlines for all my subjects kept popping up in my head and I realized that I was not going to make it.  I thought about just quitting everything and disappearing for weeks and handle the mess later.  Of course I could never do that, so I suppose I didn't really consider it as an option.  If I'm gonna fail, I will fail trying at least.  So I kept reading about film tourism and finally decided that, as my supervisor said, it is too late to change the topic.  I have already read many articles for my original topic and I have a lot of books.  Besides, before my breakdown last night, in the morning I did a "perfect" combination of key words that through out there article titles that seemed to really pin point towards what I have been trying to write about all along.

So after thinking about it, I decided to read some of those articles I found and it turns out I found a "perfect" article! It talks about everything that I have been thinking I wanted to talk about and it points me in the right direction finally.  It is even better than the one about Indian women.  It is called "Career Advancement and Family Balance Strategies of Executive Women".  It was a qualitative study in which women shared exactly the concerns that I think are in the minds of women in Chile.  In addition, I found an article called Modifying Best Practices in Women's Advancement for the Latin American Context, that I haven't read yet in detail yet, but from skimming through it I know it will give me some background on Latin American culture.  It even mentions Chile, which is bound to be helpful.  I hope it is not a quantitative study though! I hate those.

In any case, I am back on track.  I once again went to bed at 1:30 in the morning and got up at 8:30 so I'm a little tired but I have new confidence and feel that I can do this.  I just feel bad that I worried my poor supervisor.  I know the time constraints will be a problem, but I think that I'll go to Chile with whatever research I manage to get done, which will be as much as possible, of course, but I have to think like I used to when I was working at the hotel: I can only do what is humanly possible and with my limitations.  If it's not enough, I will fix it somehow.  I know I can read more when I come back.  It's not over until it's over so I'm back reading and I will start writing today! 

As long as I'm trying, there is no way I can fail.